Grief Is A Wave Pattern

It’s five months to the day that we lost Luke and this morning I found the photocopies of his suicide notes on my doormat. Unfortunately we will never see the original last notes he wrote to all of us as they have been retained as evidence by the Coroner’s office.

On the 20th of May I was met at my door by the Policeman witness carrying a bag of personal items that had been held until after the inquest. Unfortunately the scissors they cut him down with were amongst those possessions.

The healing work that takes place after a death can be seriously challenged in the space of a few days. The businesslike affairs of handling a suicide in the city are practical and impersonal as they have to be. It’s a large world with a lot of people and the emphasis lies with keeping the mortal ones safe.

So although it’s been more than enough to zap our spirit our heads are still bobbing on this sea of tears. We still breathe and with every tidal wave or tiny ripple – we keep the ship from wrecking.


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2 responses to “Grief Is A Wave Pattern”

  1. I met your husband just the once after correspondence to arrange a small PR campaign for the launch of the vintage warehouse next to the Star and Shadow. I met you too, although you might not remember. Luke gave my son a golf club and ball at the launch after we had played on the crazy golf in there. I had high hopes for the whole set up but it seems there were many bumps in the road and frustrations that got in the way. Finding out he had ended his life in such a way was a shock. You have been strong. But that is what mothers do. We have to. I’m juggling businesses that are yet to really bear any significant fruit and the guilt that I’m letting my family down often gets me down. I cannot possibly understand what went on with Luke or comprehend what you’ve gone through. But we were touched by him and my son was also upset to hear he’d gone. If there’s anything we can do, help promote what you do etc, let me know. I’ve no family up here , so I know how that is.

  2. Hi Joanne thanks so much for leaving a comment here I am truly grateful for it 🙂 That sounds like the Luke I keep in my memory I don’t think people easily forgot his character. Its certainly showing in our son! I think I could probably do with a new professional headshot at somepoint!! I’ve seen the promo so will be in touch. Looking in the mirror gets to be enough on some days but they are not all that dire I am glad to say. Thank you much love to your family Xx

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