The Six Month Grief Mark

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Tomorrow is six months since my husband died. Yesterday six months since he left the house for the last time and of course since we last saw him alive. What a tiny amount of time six months can be and yet what milestones of emotion can be hurdled and possibilities of the future grasped within it. Six months is a strange halfway marker in an eternal year of firsts.

My son remembers his father clearly. He asks for him often – is he at work? Can he come see me? Where’s my daddy? If I make a mistake and walk past certain roads when me and him are wandering he will point at places he associates with Luke and ask for him. I always say “Not Daddy today – he’s gone away. He loves you very much and always will”. His head bows and he looks sad and repeats “Daddy gone away”. Then I jump up before I start sobbing in the street and I say brightly, “Mummy’s here though! So what shall we do?” It works for now but I am aware it won’t work for much longer. What on earth DO you say? He knew his Father and remembers his father but he won’t KNOW his father. The re connection I believe in for adults I do not know how to apply to children as yet but I am going to have to learn.

Every day when I open my eyes I have to summon up the energy for that day. Just to get up and put one foot in front of the other. I use meditation practise for this and chakra clearing. I also use purple light in order to continue to do my intuitive work without blockage. Oh and coffee 🙂 It gets easier as time progresses but there are waves of grief that come to knock me off the board. The practises I have in place safeguard my energy summoning efforts and my own personal grief writing therapy sessions are building a framework for the course I wish to eventually offer on the website for download. So there are goals and a version of our brighter new life is beginning to emerge.

For anyone else working through their first year of grief I salute you – know that you are building patterns and mechanisms that will help you to cope for years to come. Not just for survival but for renewed living.

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