The Six Month Grief Mark
Tomorrow is six months since my husband died. Yesterday six months since he left the house for the last time and of course since we last saw him alive. What a tiny amount of time six months can be and yet what milestones of emotion can be hurdled and possibilities of the future grasped within it. Six months is a strange halfway marker in an eternal year of firsts.
My son remembers his father clearly. He asks for him often – is he at work? Can he come see me? Where’s my daddy? If I make a mistake and walk past certain roads when me and him are wandering he will point at places he associates with Luke and ask for him. I always say “Not Daddy today – he’s gone away. He loves you very much and always will”. His head bows and he looks sad and repeats “Daddy gone away”. Then I jump up before I start sobbing in the street and I say brightly, “Mummy’s here though! So what shall we do?” It works for now but I am aware it won’t work for much longer. What on earth DO you say? He knew his Father and remembers his father but he won’t KNOW his father. The re connection I believe in for adults I do not know how to apply to children as yet but I am going to have to learn.
Every day when I open my eyes I have to summon up the energy for that day. Just to get up and put one foot in front of the other. I use meditation practise for this and chakra clearing. I also use purple light in order to continue to do my intuitive work without blockage. Oh and coffee 🙂 It gets easier as time progresses but there are waves of grief that come to knock me off the board. The practises I have in place safeguard my energy summoning efforts and my own personal grief writing therapy sessions are building a framework for the course I wish to eventually offer on the website for download. So there are goals and a version of our brighter new life is beginning to emerge.
For anyone else working through their first year of grief I salute you – know that you are building patterns and mechanisms that will help you to cope for years to come. Not just for survival but for renewed living.