WIDOW WARBLE : LONELY ROAD

Okay so the Inquest on Luke’s death has passed – five months of waiting for a final verdict and death certificate. I am glad to say that it was recorded without much trauma, (save my own anxiety), and I can safely say I never want to find myself present in a Coroner’s Court again.

The waiting and the coming to accept what has happened has taken a few steps backwards. I find myself completely numb. Numb to any mention of it. This numbness subsides as I begin to merge back  with old friends and new ones and all I want for the memory of Luke is peace. Which thankfully he has found.

At 37 I expected my husband and I to be still in newly married phase, raising a small family and continuing our business side by side. HA. Fuck you, said life unexpectedly.

Finding peace for me and the children seems to be a different matter. As much as I can hermit away seeing only one or two people for breakfast or lunch dates and spending time with my lifeline offspring even I have to admit that I need to get back to living. And that means addressing the fact that yes, even hermit chops gets lonely. 🙁

At 37 I expected my husband and I to be still in newly married phase, raising a small family and continuing our business side by side. HA. Fuck you, said life unexpectedly.

Well.

I am 40 in two years, I have two kids and Widow status. I could howl at how that looks on paper sometimes but I am nothing but resilient. I don’t label myself as I expect others not to label me. I face the namers and blamers as it’s them I actually feel bad for and I focus on one thing only in my personal life now and that is to meet with like minded energy in the hope that one day I won’t be a widower! Its started to work and the vibrance of new people touching my life every week is high and I actually look forward to my Weekends again 🙂

 

 

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