WIDOWED WITHOUT REGULATION

I just got back from my counselling session, (I go fortnightly), and speak to a woman who has been widowed herself for 17 years. She says not a day goes by when she doesn’t think of him.

We recently visited my husband’s grandmother who has also been widowed for 25 years. This year would have been their 72nd wedding anniversary. 72 years yes read that again. 72 years.

They don’t spend their lives dwelling on their losses and I don’t intend to either. The important thing is to work through all the emotion tied up with the life that was lived in the way it chose to play out. Its really important to get this completely and utterly sorted and for it to take as long as it takes. Sometimes I think im done with the emotional and physical drain grieving has on me and I go out, walk for miles, socialise with the people who matter to me and feel like I’ve climbed a few rungs on the ladder. Then I have times like today when I have to touch his things or deal with his estate or talk out the pain and I cry a little and feel I stepped on a snake that cheated at the game. It is entirely true about learning to carry a loss. There is no place inside our physical reality where that loss does not exist.

The Victorians took their mourning seriously. But they placed a time limit on it! (Photo & Quote from ListVerse)

Mourning periods were divided into two time frames: deep mourning and half mourning. A widow was expected to mourn her husband for at least two years during which time she was expected to wear black at all times with her only social agenda being at church. Parents who lost a child were in deep mourning for nine months and half mourning for three months. Children who lost their parents mourned for the same amount of time. The death of a sibling required three months of deep mourning and three months of half mourning. In-laws, aunts, uncles, cousins and other relatives all had mourning periods that ranged from six weeks to six months.

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